It's not my feeling, but a sort of force outside me has taken possession of me.

I went away, you see, because I made up my mind that it could never be, you understand, as a happiness that does not come on earth; but I've struggled with myself, I see there's no living without it.

And it must be settled.

" "What did you go away for?" "Ah, stop a minute! Ah, the thoughts that come crowding on one! The questions one must ask oneself! Listen.